Girl, the love that we share is real
But in time your heart will heal
I'm not saying I'm gone
But I have to find what life is like
without you
This phrase sounds just like what he told me. But unlike the video, he’s says that there isn’t another girl in the picture and that he just want to see how life is without me. If there isn’t another girl in the picture, then why does he need to see how life is without me? Is he questioning his love for me? Or is this just a test to see if I really do love him? He told me that he thinks that I’m just “accustomed to him”, that’s why I want to be with him. First of all, I’m not a confused fifteen year old who just wants to be in a relationship because I think it’s cool. I think I know exactly why I want to be with him and it’s not just because I’m comfortable with him. Honestly, during the first three years of our relationship I was with him because I liked him and we had fun together. We had our ups and downs just like any other normal relationship. Although I was serious about him, I never fully trusted him because of my past experience with men. My ex from before him left me after being together for two years because we didn’t share the same religious beliefs. Even if that was a legitimate reason to back out of a relationship, I still felt insecure and had a hard time fully trusting men.
So during the first three years of my relationship with him, I built a wall between us emotionally. But after seeing how he respected and truly cared about me, I stopped shutting him out of my heart and I fully gave into him around last year. That year I actually tried very hard to get close to him. Although I would be extremely busy with school and work, I would put in all my free time towards him. I had lots of family problems during this time, but I didn’t want to bring any of this to him because I didn’t want to dampen the mood. He would always ask me what was going on, and I would just quickly skim through it and try to change the subject. During this time I remember telling him how important he is to me and how sometimes I feel that my bond with him is stronger than what I have with anyone else. All the emotional barriers that I built in the past basically tumbled down, and I thought that we had reached another level in our relationship. I remember thinking how lucky I was to have him during the month of our four year anniversary. At that time I thought that our relationship was absolutely perfect. My heart and my mind were telling me that he is the one.
After our anniversary things started to change because of our busy schedules. I think I only saw him maybe three times in November, and I didn’t get to see him at all in December. I thought that this would be okay since we’ve been together for so long, and we had a good understanding. Although we didn’t see each other, we still spoke on the phone. But, I guess our conversations didn’t have that feeling of attachment anymore because we were both very stressed and tired. We would end up arguing a lot because he would either fall asleep or because of small little things. As soon was the fall semester was over and winter vacation started told myself that I had to make it my duty to spend as much time as possible with him since we didn’t get to during the last two months.
I didn’t get to see him until January 1st, and that’s when all the problems began. At first he told me that he didn’t have chemistry with me anymore. This caught me by complete surprise. I was devastated for a whole week, which actually felt like a lifetime. We made up after that and decided to start fresh. We each made a list of rules that we wanted each other to follow so that we can better understand each other’s feelings. I wrote down all of these rules and made sure I followed them. I thought I was being the perfect girlfriend for him because I gave him his space, and at the same time I was giving him my full attention. Things seemed good, but I was still worried that he might want to leave me again. I told him about my fears and he told me that I didn’t have anything to worry about.
Now, a month later we are on a break again. I guess my worries were true. Now he’s telling me how he needs time alone to see if he needs this relationship. He says that I’m not stressing him out, it’s the relationship that is. But am I not the relationship? I feel like the sad girlfriend in the Donnell Jones video… confused and disappointed. I have seen so many relationships where the guy would feel uncertain and back out of the commitment. Then after a few months he realizes that he really needed his girl, but he can’t go back to her because it’s just too late. I don’t want to be in a situation like that. Not only will I be losing all of my dreams and hopes about the future, I’ll be losing one of my best friends. Hopefully he’ll come to his senses, like Donnell Jones at the end of the video.
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