I absolutely hate love. All it does is give you false hopes and expectations. You would think after giving your heart and soul to another human being that you would get the same unconditional love back in return… but no, all you get is unanswered phone calls, broken promises, and nights where you cry yourself to sleep.
I’m not the strong and optimistic person that I once used to be. I feel so weak. It’s amazing how just one person can have this kind of effect on me. When I think about him leaving me, my body feels completely drained of my soul. I get this empty feeling in my chest; it’s as if my heart is missing. My throat feels as if its being forced shut. Sometimes when I am alone and thinking about how my image of life just made a complete 180ยบ turn, I feel as if the inside of my body is crying. I get this jittery feeling in my stomach… it’s probably the increased levels adrenaline in my system from all of this stress. My “fight or flight” mechanism gets turned on and starts preparing me to either flee or to stand my ground. It’s as if my body is telling my mind to run away from this situation or to fight back. I hate how I have absolutely no control over this situation.
Life is just so unfair. People who clearly don’t deserve love have it, but others who are worthy of being loved never seem to get a hold of it. I don’t want to be a plaything for guys. I don’t want to go from one guy to another. I need stability in my life. I don’t want flowers, dates at fancy restaurants, or material objects. I just want pure unconditional love. I am just a little package filled with love that’s waiting to be opened. I’ve heard songs about it, seen it in the movies, and read books about it… now I just want to finally be able to experience it.
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