Ok so this is going to be one of those 'relationship' posts

I've been seeing, reading, watching, and hearing about so many relationships failing over the past couple of weeks. I'm one of those naive girls that that believes that love is the solution to all problems. I love seeing people in love; so when I see the same couples who I used to look up to fail, it gets me thinking. We see couples who we assume to be perfect in each and every way. We may even think of ourselves in being in that perfect relationship. However, when these perfect couples fall apart.. it makes me wonder... what is a perfect relationship... and how do we get it?

I hope all of this didn't alarm you guys. Jeremy and I are completely fine... lol. But, like every other couple, we do tend to argue. I hate arguing... I absolutely abhor it! But sometimes its very hard to avoid arguments, especially when we are both stressed out and are not seeing eye to eye on a situation. I tried to reflect back to my past relationships and wondered about what caused those relationships to fail. Yea, I dated assholes.. lol.. but something must have caused them to become assholes.. or at least reveal the ass in them. Then I did what I do best, I googled it.. lol ( I haven't been google-ing things like this in a while.. i miss it... and I think I'm going back to my old google-ing ways.. lol).

So guys... I think I'm too clingy in my relationships. Yes, I admit it, I AM NOT PERFECT! I found this one article that basically took the words right out of my mouth. The reason for me being too needy or clingy in my relationships is probably because I just want to feel 'oneness' with another person. My dad has been a great father when it comes to education and all that other stuff.. but when it comes to talking or bonding, he is far from being perfect. I don't think I ever had a conversation with my dad about anything that had to do with life. The only thing he asks me about is school.. and sometimes he doesn't even ask me directly, he would make my mom or my sister ask me. When we are sitting in the car, we don't have the "how was your day" conversation like most normal families have. I just sit there in complete silence. It sucks. And I envy those girls who have these great relationships with their dad's. I guess deep down inside, I always hoped to be 'daddy's little girl'. And let me not even get started with my mother. I think I'll save my relationship with her for another blog post. Let's just say that since day 1, me and her have never seen eye to eye on anything. Yea, so back to the topic... I think that I may be clingy because of my non-existent family life. I have no idea how my sister ended up being so inadhesive emotionally. She's one of those girls who can get completely unattached to problems. Letting go is so hard for me, probably because I'm so passionate when it comes to specific topics, especially if I know that I'm right.

Yea, so here's the article that I found:

_______________________________________________________________________

Many relationships have problems or end because one of the partners is too needy or too “clingy.” Some are inquisitive enough to reflect on their own behavior, realize that they are clingy and start thinking about how they can address their behavior in a present or future relationships. However, others get into the same pattern of being clingy again and again, continuing to push people away with their behavior. Ironically, the more you like someone the more likely you are to be clingy and needy.

Consider a situation where you meet people one after the other and they all seem to be “alright” but none of them are great or exceptional. And then, you meet someone who is so much more captivating to you on many levels and the kind of person you simply don’t come across very often. Realizing that he/she is a rare kind, you are being much more careful about what you say and what you do and at the same time you are far more eager to see and talk to that person.

If you start dating that person and develop a good relationship, you are likely to experience that debilitating fear of loss, where you are really afraid to be dumped, or you are constantly worried that your relationship somehow won’t work out. You being extremely nice, excessively accommodating and very careful with your partner. You also want to keep him/her from being exposed to and/or seduced by other people, so you try to spend as much time together as possible, all of which is likely to be perceived by your partner as being clingy.

The reason that clinginess is so unattractive is obvious: first, it makes the other person take you for granted. If you always around and always available, schedule your life around your partner, this means that no effort required to please you. Secondly, your life must not be all that great and all the important if your partner is by far the most important thing in your life. At first, making someone an absolute priority will be flattering to them, but very soon it will look like a big weakness.

So, how do you handle your clinginess and become less clingy?

1. Make sure that your life doesn’t literally revolve around your partner. Maintain and actively pursue new and old hobbies and personal interests and make sure that your social life remains active with a circle of friends.

2. Pursue your professional and educational goals. Career or academic advancement will keep you busy and will also earn you lots of points with any quality partner as ambition is very attractive. This doesn’t mean that you have to take your work life to the extreme and stay at the office till midnight, not returning his/her calls. It simply means that you should not abandon your plans and goals on the account of your relationship as the above should compliment each other rather than be each other’s obstacles. A great relationship should motivate you to study and work hard, and a great job / school program would turn you into a more interesting and successful person, who is more attractive to the opposite sex in general and to your partner specifically.

3. Be conscious of your behavior. Recognizing the problem is essential to solving it. This applies to just about any aspect of life, and dating is not an exception of course. Remind yourself about the effects of clinginess, and monitor your own behavior, making sure that you don’t impose on your partner’s personal life beyond reason. Intimacy on many levels is a wonderful thing but maintaining individuality and privacy is also paramount to a successful relationship. For example, it is important that you learn both – how to share your deep secrets and find out your partner’s, and also how to respect their desire to keep certain things private.

As the above suggests, maintaining a balanced social and professional life, while reflecting and critically analyzing your behavior are keys to avoiding being clingy in your relationship.

_______________________________________________________________________

So what did you guys think of the article? I want to give a cookie to whoever wrote it.

I think I depend on Jeremy a little too much for support. I'm a big girl, so I'm going to start trying to be a little bit more independent from now on. Sometimes I feel that I bring too much of my household problems into our relationship, and that just causes more stress. I don't want to sound like a little whiny bitch, but I wish relationships were so much more easier!